Wednesday, October 27, 2010

15 Minutes Time

Please note: This story all happened within the time span of 10 minutes.

I saw one of our newspaper delivery trucks pull up. A little early, but it happens from time to time. I saw him shuffling around in some paperwork to retrieve our weekly invoice. He gathered the invoice, along with our delivery for today, then came to the door. He was in a bit of a rush so he flung open the outside door and attempted to do the same with the inside. Due to the tempuature dropping, the closing mechanism made it a bit hard to open the door. He didn't quite get it open enough and wound up slamming straight into the edge of the door. He stepped back dazed for a second holding with hand to his face. He then tried to rip the door. As he did, I heard a loud crack. The two bolts holding the arm of the closing mechanism to the door frame gave way breaking free of the frame. He looked up for a second and said 

"Fuck... Sorry, didn't mean to do that," he said bringing his hand to his head.

"No worries, it can be fixed. Are you ok?" I inquired.

"Yeah, whenever this room stops spinning."

"You sure you're all right?"

"Yeah, just give me a second."

After he said that, another guy came into the store. I can tell just by the way he was walking, he had a bit too much to drink. He went over to our water door, grabbed a bottle and came up front. I rang him up, and he went on his way. The paper guy was finally righted and I wrote out his check for the delivery when I glanced outside and saw the guy who bought the water somewhat huddled in the corner. I didn't question it at all due to the fact that smokers, like myself, would do the same thing on a windy day. A few seconds after I finished the check, a guy came in saying, 

"Yeah, you know there's a guy pissing on your front window?" 

I shot my head up and looked out the window and the guy still standing there. No sooner did I step outside, I was greeting with the acrid scent of urine. The guy just started to walk away.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? At least take that shit to the alley dammit!"

"I didn't do anything. You can't prove it was me!"

"The fuck I can't. You were standing in the corner for a few minutes and that piss looks fresh."

"You still can't prove it!"

"So I guess you didn't notice that camera right in the other corner of that window, huh?"

He got a scared look in his eyes, dropped the water, then ran to a nearby car where he jumped in the passanger side. I took note of the make of the black car and the plate number. The plate number was easy, and not hard to forget since it was a "DL-" plate. I went inside and called police, and they showed up pretty quick. I told them the situation and told them where chances were the guy was heading. They went to check it out and came back two minutes later.  They showed a guy to me, the driver of the black car. I just shook my head. 

"That's not the guy you want. The guy you pissed in the window was in a yellow shirt." 

They drove off to drop the guy back off at the car and came back another couple of minutes later. Finally, they got the right guy. I signed the ticket they were going to give him, and went back to doing what I had to do.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Desperate Tourists

It was about 3:35am. It was pretty slow at the time since alcohol sales had ended at 2:00. As I was stocking up the coffee area, a group of four people came in. Judging by their styles, I had a feeling they were tourists. There were two males, and two females. I said my standard greeting and continued stocking as they walked around the store.

"They have beer!" The shorter, brunette woman said with a somewhat heavy Russian accent.

"Do they have a locals?" The taller, blond woman asked.

"I'm sorry, but I can't serve at this time. Alcohol sales were suspended at 2am." I told them as I seen them pull at the locked beer door.

The guys shrugged their shoulders but the response wasn't quite what the girls wanted. They came up to me and the brunette asked, "You can't sell us anything?"

"No, our license only allows us to sell alcohol until 2:00am." She pouted a little bit and gave up, but the blond wasn't done.


"I'm sorry, but I cannot."

She gave me the classic "puppy dog" eyes along with the pouty lips and gave me a lengthened "Please?"

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do."

She decided to toss in a slight whine with the look.

"That doesn't work on me, just so you know."

"I'll pay you extra!"

"Listen, my dear, I've turned down plenty of bribes. Anything from $5 to $250. I cannot sell after 2:00 am."

The look left her face as she was thinking, then she hit me with something I didn't quite expect, "I'll have sex with you for the beer."

I facepalmed a bit. Now, as a guy, it would be extremely hard for me to say no to a tall, slanky, WELL-proportioned  Russian blond who wants a go. Since I couldn't say no, I just shook my head slowly.

She pouted once more, then finally joined her friends outside. I sighed to myself and I began stocking up the pop island, still kicking myself in the ass. It's not everyday an offer like that comes along.

I chuckled to myself thinking, 'at least it's one of the better days.'

Thursday, October 7, 2010

An Eventful Night

It started out simple enough. I arrived about a half hour prior to my shift. It allows me to get an idea of what needs to be done before I jump right in.A couple of bums, who I've kicked out for multiple incidences, decided to try their luck to get in. After a brief argument, they started to walk away. I watched them as they walk away and noticed a black silhouette on a 6" concrete riser on the front of our building. I walked over to it only to discover it was a phone. I took it off standby and looked though it a bit to see if it was something I could use.

It seemed good enough to keep for myself. Touchscreen, qwerty keyboard, camera, and GPS. It was all around a good phone. I started thumbing through the pictures and it seems to be some young girls phone. I figured I'd return it since I'm not one to be that problematic for women. I search though the recent calls and found the main one for the day. I called the number and told the person the situation, telling them the location of my store, and requesting them to contact the owner to come to retrieve it. 15 minutes later the phone rang. I answered it. It turned out to be the owner calling the phone. I gave her the location and informed her that she would have to retrieve it due to the fact I give it to the owner, not a friend. An hour later she came by, picked up the phone, after answering my ID question on it to ensure it was her's.

About 45 minutes later, a customer came into the store. He asked me if we had any anti-inflammatory medicine.

"You have to be a little more specific then that. We have a bunch of different meds here," I responded.

"Just an anti-inflammatory is all."

"Is it for a headache or something"


"What exactly do you need then? Acetaminophen, Ibuprofen, Naproxen-Sodium? Which are you looking for?"

"I'll take the Acetaminophen."

I rang him up, told him his total, he paid then left. He came back about 30 minutes later looking quite angry. I ask what's wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have asked that...

"I'll tell you what's wrong! You sold me the wrong shit! I don't need this, I said an anti-inflammitory drug, not this! This'll do more harm then good!"

"I gave you a small list of medicine, of the three options, you chose that."

"I don't give a shit! Now do you have that I want or not!"

I sighed, turned around, and pull the other two options.

"Now, these are the other two I listed. Ibuprofen and Naproxen-Sodium. Now, if you specifically wanted an NSAID, you should have said so."

"What the FUCK is an NSAID?!"

"Non-Steroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug."

"They don't say anti-Inflammatory on them."

"You know what, I've already explain this to you. Since you can't pay attention because your head is so far up your ass, you can get the fuck out of here." I pulled the two meds front the front counter then tossed them on the back.

"You can't tell me to leave. You don't own this place. I don't give a fuck about what you say! I'll go after I purchase what I want! " At this time, he was too much of a risk.

"Know this now, THIS," I gestured around the store, "is private property, and I'm sick of having to deal with you. You have exactly 10 seconds to either get out, or I'll deal with you myself..."

I reached under my shirt then slid my hand back on one of my knives. I made the gesture deliberate enough to show I wasn't kidding around. His eyes lit up slightly then he booked out the door. Two of the customers behind him breathed a sigh of relief. I took my hand from under my shirt then facepalmed.

"What were you reaching for?" One customer, a regular no less.

"My late-night special."

"A gun?"

"No, a knife."

"What do you mean, your knife it's still in your front pocket, right?"

I shook my head no and grabbed the knife in question, a 12" dagger. His eyes lit up as he asked to see it. I chuckled while saying, "No." I sheathed the knife and locked it back into place. At least for the next 3 hours, it seems normal until I heard a loud screeching noise.

I walked around the store thinking it may have been our 'refer' units, our drink machines, or even a leak in the Co2 lines to the machines. I finally decide to step outside confused until I lit up my cigarette and noticed the sound was much louder. I looked down the street and upon turning the corner, I saw a shower of sparks. And SUV was driving down the road with it's front driver's-side tire at a 90 degree angle, scraping the rim. The tire itself was nowhere to be seen. He came to the intersection, did a u-turn, drove a block down, did another u-turn, and just repeated it for a half-dozen times before turning and driving down another street. I pulled out my cell, called the police, reported the incident, and finished my cigarette. I began making the morning coffee and continued somewhat normally for the last 2 hours of my shift. My coworker came in and ask how the night went.

"I'm not sure if you want to know."

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Friend or Enemy

It was the first lull of the night. There were a few customers in the store, first bit of a break I'd had since I got to work. My coworker informed me he was going to be going to the vault, our walk in cooler, to fill the shelves after they had been depleted from the hour-long rush we had. I told him to hang on a second while I step outside for a quick cigarette. He complied and I stepped out. I lit up my cigarette and a guy ran around the corner and into the store. While smoking, I looked inside to see that he was making a purchase of a couple of cigars. I saw the money out, so I turned my gaze toward the street watching the people shuffling by.

A car came from around the corner and started to turn down the street. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem except for the fact it was a one way in the opposite direction he was traveling. After nearly hitting two cars, he turned toward the proper direction of traffic. At that time, the running customer booked it out of the store and was crossing the street. The car accelerated in reverse and..


The car in question slammed into the guy who was running. He landed in the hood of the trunk. As the car started braking, he slid backward and onto the corner of the curb. The car stopped just short of running over his arm. I pinched the tip of my cigarette, and darted inside, and around the counter. My coworker asked what happened.

"Some jackass just slammed into the guy who just left here."

"I'll go out there and see what I can do to help."

I tossed him my pen and told him to jot down the plate number just in case the guy sped away. The customers who had heard our brief conversation started gathering at out front window looking out at the situation as I'm already on the line with 911 informing them of the situation. After I hung up the phone, a customer asked me what happened exactly. I told them what I knew. At that time, my coworker came in, and I asked what was going on.

"It turns out the driver was a friend of his. He tried messing around y bumping him with the back of the car, but hit the gas a bit too hard and hit him. He seems to be alright, but he did say his chest hurt a bit. He's going to get looked at now."

I sighed and told him I was going back outside to finish my cigarette. No sooner did I go back outside, I saw the car pull away. I lit up up and  took a few drags before I heard sirens in the distance. A squad car came around the corner and looked a bit perplexed. I walked up to him and explained the situation. The cop laughed and said, "At least he doesn't have to pay for an ambulance ride." At that moment a fire truck and ambulance came around the corner. As I continued with my cigarette, he walked over to them and explained the situation. I stepped back in and told my coworker:

"I told you it's going to be one of those nights."

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Airlift

This is dedicated to a customer of mine who wanted know know why the hell I has standing in the street that day.

A while ago, nearing the last hour of my shift. It was a Sunday morning, and I have a set routine. Almost all the customers who come in follow one as well. You could almost set your watch by them. About 6am, I was just finishing up my duties and waited by the register for my 6:01 customer to enter. After a few minutes, no one walk through the door. I watched out the window, and noticed absolutely no traffic going by.

I stepped outside for a cigarette, and all I saw was two squad cars parked on the corners about 2 blocks in either direction. After almost 45 minutes of no customers, I had everything completed and even had the shift closed for the day by the time my coworker finally came in. She's usually 20-30 minutes early, but said the cops gave her a hard time to get through to go to work. Sadly, she didn't even ask why the street was blocked.

Finally, it was time for my to leave. I was determined to get to the bottom of what was going on. I stepped outside just in time to seen a group of what looked like tourists, you know the kind, the one's in matching shirts with cameras and fanny pack, on a nearby corner. I walked up to them and asked them what was going on.

"The "father" by the looks of it, turned to me and said, "You don't know, their airlifting an HVAC unit."

"Where at?"

"Right over there," pointing to a nearby 16 story building, "They'll be starting any minute now."

I saw a large truck come through the police line and park near the intersection of my work. I also heard a light thump-thump-thump in the distance and getting louder. Finally, a S-64 Skycrane appeared overhead. At that time, CPD began pushing people back from the intersection. I began walking down the now-empty street and stopped roughly 250 feet back, probably not the safe distance I should have been, but I felt like feeling the propwash. Sadly, the amount of dust and debris it kicked up made me glad I at least had my sunglasses on. I looked up at the lofts above my job to see a lot of people opening their windows at the sudden sound, or even sight of the hulking piece of machinery that was being hauled up. It seemed to be over after just a couple minutes, but seeing a helicopter flying so close to the buildings, only made me want to stay to see if any "mishaps" would prevent me from having to come back to work for a while. Sadly, the only thing to happen was a small pebble cracking one of the smaller, unnecessary windows. 

The S-64 brought down the old HVAC unit, placed it on the truck, then left. The street was reopened, traffic was coming, and everything returned to normal.

As normal as you can call it, at least.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Botched Joke

I was planning on waiting until Monday to update this blog, however, last night, Some entertainment changed that.

A young couple entered the store. The male said something which included the word "Joke." For the most part, the store was empty, other then a few regulars, a little odd for the time on a Saturday night, but there's been times that Saturdays's are dead.

They went about their shopping the came to the register. I began ringing them up. When I told them the total, the guy asked, "Do you have anything for hangovers?"

I turned around and pulled two of our remedies from the rack on the back wall and placed them on the counter where he can read them. He chose the cheapest option. I returned the other to the wall, then turned back to them and said the new total. At this time, I saw a smirk on the girl's face and a big grin on the guy's.

"Do you have anything to make my cock bigger?" The girl started laughing her ass off, and the guy still had a big ass goofy grin on his face. The two customers behind them, an older woman, and middle-age man, had a look on their face that can only be described as  "WTF!?!?!?"

I turned around and pulled a 4-pack of ExtenZe pills of the wall behind me and placed it on the counter. The girl was laughing even harder, and the guy's grin was now gone.

"Yeah, uh... Um... I'll..... Uh... Take it...."

I rang it up and Gave them their final total. The guy swiped his card, took his recipt, and they both walked out the door. The toehr two customers started laughing before the couple made it out the door.

The guy asked me, "Please tell me that was staged."

"Sadly, no. Just another Saturday night."

Thursday, September 23, 2010


A customer came in last night asking if we sold female products. I could tell by the look he was giving me, he didn't even want to be there. I told him the aisle and section. He walked over, and looked them over. He came back, "Which ones should I get?"

I shrugged my shoulders a bit and said, "I'm not quite sure what you mean?"

"My girlfriend said she wanted a box, but I don't think she told me which to get."
"Do you remember what her box looked like?"
"Why would I know something like that?"
"Try to remember any detail at all. Do you really feel like going all the way home just to ask her?"
"True... Um... I think... I think I remember seeing yellow on the box."
"Ok, that narrows it down a bit. Are they tampons or pads?"
"Calm down... Does she insert them, or just puts them on her panties?"
"Why the hell should I tell you!?"
"The reason being is I'm trying to help you get what you need. If you get the wrong thing, she's just going to send you back to get the right thing."
"Come again?"
He screamed "INSERTS!" The customers waiting behind him just started laughing their collective asses off. Never before have I seen a customer with such a red face from embarrassment. I told him what to get and he sheepishly went to get them. I took care of the customers behind him before he returned, rang him up and tossed them into a brown paper bag. I finished the transaction and he left. With no one else in the store, and the guy out of sight, I let out a sigh and started laughing myself.